You’re Cheryl Hines Now

He’s really cranking, the man behind you. You think it’s the rider in the muted brown jersey who fades in a headwind. His cassette is metronomic. You imagine it’s the doomsday clock. This cassette is louder. Gravelly. But he has a tailwind. He must really be cranking. And then, to your surprise, the Hunchback of Notre Dame passes you. The bell-ringer in his glory. Knees askew, feet on the pedals hammering like flying clappers and the cathedral peals and the long foretold competitor announces himself on the wind. You bask in the moment of this old man’s triumph. You race north in his wake. Following through flares of smoke from cookouts aside the Potomac. The sunset is a golden laurel on the crown of his helmet. He bows out soon after to an unspoken hero’s farewell. Brown Jersey tries to pass you but now you have been sanctified by the presence of greatness so you invite his challenge and then burn him. The metronome fades away and armageddon is averted. For today, at least. And then you’re flying north past Lincoln, past the Mall, and you race up Capitol Hill buoyed by the spirit of the Hunchback and you head southeast and down the hill and the ribs of RFK swell where it is beached along the Anacostia.

So here’s the joke. You’re Cheryl Hines now and you’re madly in love with a maniac. The punchline is you’ve got to play it straight. You’re the stooge, the feed. You’re playing it so straight you begin to worry people think its a comedy. You’ve done that before but this time’s different. You really are in love with the maniac and he doesn’t get the joke. But he does know his lines. And that’s the problem. He’s good. Real good. And if he knew it was a joke he might even enjoy it. But he doesn’t and you do. And I’m thinking about Cheryl Hines as I climb up C and head home. And you’re Cheryl Hines and you’re waiting for the maniac to tell the punchline but he doesn’t, he never does. He starts in again. And You’re Cheryl Hines Now. And the punchline isn’t coming. And You’re Still Cheryl Hines. And I am too. And the Maniac is only just now revving up.