A barber shop named “The Supreme People’s Coif” was shut down by Chinese security officials the other day for violating a law against punning about Party symbols, in this case China’s top court. My short note about it inspired a Bluesky response from the capo di tutti capi of China journalists, Mike Forsyth, who wrote: “The gap in Leninist states in the sense of humor of officials (nonexistent) and the people (glorious) on full display here.”
Which got me thinking, Is Xi Jinping Funny?
I knew where to turn for the answer, Communist-Party-Members.com, the official site for all Chinese cadres looking for the latest authoritative answer to, well, everything — even whether or not Xi Jinping is funny. What follows is my ranking of the quips in what I’m calling The Collected Jokes of Xi Jinping, all of which come from an article called “Xi Jinping’s Humor” published in 2018 to that aforementioned site.
“Humor is part of a leader’s charisma. Xi Jinping’s humor is an expression of both his wisdom and his self-confidence. Whether among the masses or the ranks of the leadership, ‘Xi-style’ humor is everywhere.” — 共产党员网
Xi Jinping’s Jokes As Told By Party Media
Autumn Spinach: While poking through a peasant’s refrigerator (as is his habit) while inspecting a Jiangsu village, Xi Jinping was delighted to discover a few water chestnuts and other vegetables. “Why, you must be well off!” he proclaimed. When shown that even more vegetables were growing in the yard — including radishes, cabbage, and spinach — Xi quipped, “Autumn spinach, sexy!” (It works better in Chinese: “Autumn” and “spinach” together are homophones for a beautiful woman’s eyes.) Rating: 3/10.
Prizes: At the close of a trip to Canberra on very important business, Xi Jinping announced that he was off to Tasmania the following day, meaning he’d’ve travelled to all six Australian states. “Do I get a prize?” he jested with the seated members of parliament, who all giggled and clapped once the translators had fed it through their ear pieces. Rating 2/10.
Pollution: Moved by a speech from the novelist Ye Xin during a conference on the arts in Beijing, Xi recounted his days riding in the bed of a truck back to the commune while a sent-down youth: “The PM2.5 back then was even worse than it is now; I used to joke that it was PM250.” Rating 7/10.
Instant Noodles: After some complaints from the Maldives about Chinese tourists not eating out at local restaurants enough, Xi Jinping snuck in this laugher: “Our citizens must model civilization while abroad. Don’t litter plastic water bottles and don’t destroy their coral reefs. Eat instant noodles less, eat local seafood more.” Rating 1/10.
Key to the city: As he was accepting the key to the city of Buenos Aires, he was also handed a replica Messi Argentine national team jersey. That rascally Jinping with his dreams of Chinese soccer glory asked, “How much would his transfer fee be?” Rating 8/10.
Skinny Mini: Upon seeing how skinny the once plump TV host Cao Kefan had become while the later was representing Shanghai at the Two Sessions, Xi Jinping debuted this wisecrack: “You got skinnier, just like Shanghai’s government. The effects are noticeable.” Cao, delighted, responded, “You’re a very hip culture kid.” Rating: 3/10.
Cooking Oil: Concerned by the cleanliness of Beijing, Xi thoughtfully asked, “Where does left-over cooking oil go? Not into malatang I hope!” Thus prompted, Beijing city officials quickly disposed of 100,000 tons of waste oil. Rating: 4/10.
Ding Ding: Crowded by the press while visiting a Beijing exhibit of priceless artifacts from Chinese antiquity, Xi Jinping hit those jockeying journalists with a real laugher: “Be careful, everyone. If you break it, I’m buying it!” Knowing a good joke when they heard one, the entire corps broke into peals of laughter. Rating 2/10.
Smart Water: During an inspection of a “smart greenhouse” during a tour of Shandong agri-tech developments, someone accidentally knocked into a faucet, turning it on. To cut the awkwardness, Xi said, “Is that faucet smart too? As soon as I walk by, out comes the water.” Rating 3/10.
Swimming: While discussing water cleanliness with officials from Jiangsu, Xi said, “The netizen test for a lake’s pollution is if the mayor will swim in it.” What wisdom! Rating 4/10.
All the above jokes are faithful translations of Party media’s description of “Xi-style” humor. So, what is our verdict?
Is Xi Jinping Funny? No, even with the benefit of a politician’s curve. Xi Jinping is just not particularly funny. His jokes are down to business — almost all are about his political campaigns. Some, for example, the “slimming down” of Shanghai’s government, have a hint of menace. There is very little word-play and what little there is is elementary… So no, Xi Jinping is not funny. Alas!
I love Substack as people would seriously rate xi jinping’s jokes
Numbers 9 and 10 are underrated, you could have given them a slightly higher score.
No 2: I'm an Aussie. We make jokes about Tasmania all the time here. Raise rating level.
Messi joke wins the prize on all accounts.
Thanks for this official investigation.